You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
