They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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