my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
