I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
