"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
