Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
