My Higher Power is John Stamos
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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