**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
