would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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