i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
