I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
