I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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