she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
