We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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