I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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