wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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