I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
