Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
