I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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