i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
