He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
