You're my little dorito
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
