So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
