a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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