I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am spending my child support on dildos
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
