Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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