I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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