proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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