So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Vodka?
Forever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
