his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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