Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
