I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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