If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to make out with him forever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
