if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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