The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
