my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
