I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
