He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
