yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
