true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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