I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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