Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
