I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
whose parrot is this?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
