Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
