Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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