I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
