Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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