There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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