She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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