Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
