My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
