Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
