Dual....:-)
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
