Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
